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The current year represents a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the idea that someone could suddenly stop communication with a lover without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more confounding – an commonly unsuccessful pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Generation Z, a generation who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to talk about love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – According to Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

B

Avian theory – A social media test connected to a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is interested or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing mystery and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This means choosing someone who helps you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who opt out of parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: embracing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral habits indicating a potential partner is trouble. Such as calling their former partners unstable, bad tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits affirm your choice to date a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday dealbreakers that immediately extinguish any feelings of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {